Crazy Sandwiches

At the end of a long week it's not always at the top of my list of priorities to teach my almost four-year-old his letters. However, it's pretty fun when you have the Tag Reading System by Leapfrog. It makes it more enjoyable for the simple reason that it takes a lot of the pressure off of mom or dad to be energetic 100 percent of the time. And pressure off is exactly what I needed last night.

My son had settled on the page that teaches him about his ABCs: a two-page spread of an open refrigerator that contains 26 items, each one starting with a letter of the alphabet. Here is a snapshot of the page:

After goofing around for a minute or so, my "skepti-sense" started tingling. Something wasn't right here. If you start from A, everything looks pretty normal at first. When I got to F, I thought it was a little interesting to put french fries in the fridge, but it is food, so I let it go. If you keep going on to I and it gets a little weird. When I "tagged" the ice cream, he very nervously declared that his name ass Izzy and he was melting. Okay, good. At least it was consistent with the environment. So, the left side of the fridge passed the test of my healthy skepticism.

The right side of the page descended into absurdity, and fast. Nuts in the fridge was passable, but what the heck was a live quail doing at the end of the row? I don't even think that's legal in California because you and I know what will happen to that bird when the refrigerator door is closed. Then there was an umbrella? I suppose if it were garnish for a drink it could go in the fridge, but this is a children's book! A violin? Next! Yes, I tend to keep the X-rays of the chicken on the bottom-right shelf, next to the live miniature zebra.

The absurdity of this refrigerator doesn't stop there. One of the tasks you are called upon to complete is to make Melinda (the girl on the left) a sandwich consisting of three items. Clues are given (the initial sound of the letter or the actual number itself) and your child has to find the corresponding item. Thankfully, Tag doesn't have the reader select any living or musical items for a sandwich--Whew! That could have been an awkward conversation with my pre-schooler.

Here are some of the sandwiches my son and I built:

• Jelly, nuts, & ketchup
• Pizza, jelly, & french fries
• Milk, hot dogs, & broccoli
• Eggs, grape, & watermelon

When I run across stuff like this, I try to imagine the meeting that started it all--a small team gathered around a mahogany table starting sentences with "picture this!" They probably got really excited about the refrigerator idea pretty quickly. I could imagine that enthusiasm carrying them through the letter I. Then they hit their first road block. The group is discouraged. Someone suggests a melting cone of ice cream, which works with the environment, and excitement returns. And then there was Q. "Uhh, we'll come back to it. Oh no, V! What are we going to do about X and Z? And we're going to have them make a sandwich?"

This is probably when the boss sticks his head in and says that the art department needs the full scope of the spread by tomorrow, so they have a 5 pm deadline and no access to Google. That must be how they ended up with a quail, X-ray of a chicken (why not a drumstick?), a violin, and a zebra you can put in your pocket.

I'm not disparaging the book. My son and I rather enjoyed it. I would say, "A milk, hot dog, and broccoli sandwich?!" Then we would both exclaim, "Eeeeewwwwww!" The crazy sandwiches were part of the fun. And he was learning his letter sounds (though not all of them). Also, the Tag Reader System really helped this busy dad.

Eventually, my fatigue from the week settled in and I dozed off. My son kept playing though. And he learned more about word sounds while I took a brief nap. Not too bad if you ask me.

How to Make a Busy Dad Busier

How do you make a busy dad even busier?

No, it's not getting him write a blog. Busy dads have a lot to do, but they do have time for hobbies.

The answer is grocery shopping. At least for this busy dad.

It was my wife's birthday this last weekend and someone from her side of the family bought her a spa day. She definitely earned it and I was happy to let her indulge in the experience. But dropping a grocery list and two rowdy kids in my lap before you head out for a luxury day? Not cool.

Once I get in the kids in the shopping cart--my son riding on the side like a soldier side-along on a jeep--we enter the store. You know those scenes from horror films where the hall appears to stretch a mile while the protagonist stands still? Yeah, that happened as soon as I walked in the door, each aisle stretching into oblivion, lined with cans and jars that vanished into a hazy dot.

Anyway, I have this grocery list with 10 items on it. Shouldn't be a problem, right? Wrong. After four laps around the store, me checking the list and then squinting at the signs above the aisle, I finally found the Kleenex. I was supposed to get something in the cooking aisle--wherever that is--two bananas, bread, and PB&J.

Each stop at the end of a row of canned goods, each stutter step, every U-turn was followed by, "Daaaaaad, what are you dooooinnnng?" My son was not used to a parent so utterly out of his element in this type of environment. Honestly, though he's only four years old, I think that he could have found everything we were looking for in half the time. Thankfully my two year-old girl was just happy to be on a bumpy ride.

After stretching what should have been a 10 minute stop into 30, I finally found all the items on the list. I paid for the haul, loaded the kids in the car, and headed home. We survived. At the house I pulled out the bread and PB&J to make the kids sandwiches for lunch. Half of the loaf of bread that I bought was hard as a rock! Seriously, how did I not notice that there was a rip down half of the bag?! Utter failure.

That's how you make a busy dad even busier.

New Stream Frees Up Revenue

I'm a cheap guy. I have to be. With a wife and two kids that depend on my salary, there is no room for impulse buys and loose credit. I have to pinch every penny.*

These days, when I buy anything that costs more than a latte--and I don't buy many of those--it really has to be worth it. I take my time. I think about the consequences. Then I open my wallet.

How Can You Live Like That?

This is a problem for me, not just because I like spending (who doesn't?), but certain things are considered "necessary" for the Southern California lifestyle. Everyone in my neighborhood, including that Jones family just down the street, has fiber optic cable or satellite TV. Most of them have DVRs too. In 2011, it was clear that we could no longer afford basic cable, so I would have to cut the cord.

But what do I do without cable? People have had experienced existential crises over this question.

That's when I made a discovery and, consequently, my best purchase of 2012: the Roku Streaming Player. With just an internet connection, I have been able to keep my family plugged in to the entertainment they love. Assuming you have a Netflix subscription, you now have access to their streaming library on your TV. No, you don't have to crowd around the warm glow of your 15.6" laptop.

Along with all the kid friendly programming (Netflix recently struck a deal with Disney, by the way) is the fringe benefit of NOT hosting stacks and stacks of children's DVDs. As soon as my boy has moved on from Thomas and Friends, I don't have figure out how to sell 50 DVDs about the Island of Sodor.


Cost

A new Roku retails for $99.99, but I bought an older version and got a major deal on it. I found it on Woot.com for a fraction of the price, plus it was only $5.00 to ship.

To use the device, my monthly costs are:

• $54.99 -  Fiber optic internet connection
• $7.99   -  Netflix streaming subscription

That sure beats the cost of cable! Also, no commercials and no schedules.

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*It just occurred to me that the only value in that statement is in the alliteration because who uses pennies anymore? They cost more than a penny to make!